I am coming back to a list of five questions I started meditating on while I was in Maine. The questions were posted by Cyndi Lu at  http://cyndilumoon.wordpress.com/2013/02/19/survey-says/.

Today’s meditational question: What are you not letting God control?

I have grown by leaps and bounds in letting God have the reigns of my life over the last several years but there are still some areas where I need to surrender control to God. I guess if it comes right down to it we are not talking about a tug- of- war between my control and God’s control. The areas of my life where I am holding out on God are not under my control either. They are just out of control.

For instance, God told me a while ago that I needed to schedule my rest and my Sabbath; It needed to become intentional. I needed to value my rest time as important as my ministry time for my own health. I obeyed Him. I now schedule my days off. I even schedule naps. I don’t take them. But at least they are scheduled 😦

I guess I struggle because I fear negative reactions from men. I think it goes deeper than that though. Admitting I need rest is to proclaim I am weak. There is a lie in there somewhere that I am believing.

As I pondered this question 2 other areas also popped up that I need to spend some time praying about. This is good stuff…life-changing stuff. I thank Jesus that He is transforming my heart.

Do you struggle with guilt over taking a break? How do you deal with it?

Why do we do the things we do? Why do we go to church? Do daily devotions? Fast? Serve in the church?

Do we do them for the praise of men? Do we do them to enlarge our congregations? Do we do them to sway our countrymen to our way of thinking? Do we do them in order to grow closer to God?

For me I think that all of these answers are true depending on the day. Sometimes I also do all of these things only to please myself and to make me proud of me. I guess that last one sounds kind of terrible but it is what the Spirit has been showing me during this journey. We have been going deep into the motivations of my life and HE has been bringing me inner healing with the understanding.

Last night we had an evening of praise, worship and prayer planned at the church. The worship band was larger than the congregation. For just a moment as I began the service I was despairing of the size of our congregation…err…small group.

Then God said to me, “I have released you from the need to perform for others. You and this band are here for Me…for My pleasure alone. Will you worship with as much abandon as when the whole congregation is here?”

I realized then that if I could not worship with as much excitement, if we could not worship God with the same abandon as when we were in a crowd of hundreds then our worship was not for God but for men; So we worshipped and God showed up as though there were a thousand people there. He is getting to my roots. It is uncomfortable but oh so worth it!

Every year our lead pastor takes a winter vacation to Canada to visit with his family. Usually  he leaves the day after Christmas and is gone through the New Year. I am usually left to fill the pulpit and make important decisions like if church needs to be cancelled due to inclement weather.  It always and I mean every year snows on the first Sunday of January. I have seldom cancelled preferring to meet with a few of the brothers and sisters for edification rather than miss out all together.

This year Pastor Risto did not leave after Christmas. He waited until this week the last in February to get outa Dodge.

Guess what?

No snow on the first Sunday of January.

Guess what else? …You got it right!

We had a weird snow storm this morning that decimated almost two-thirds of our church population today!  So even though the winter vacation was off by about a month and a half I felt right at home with a number of seats empty and a frosty white blanket covering the out-of-doors.

I find God a humorous teacher. He used this event to remind me in a sort of tongue-in-cheek manner that He is not reliant on large crowds or kicking programs to get His plan accomplished. We had church. The kids joined us since our Kids Church teacher couldn’t make it in. A baby cried in the back. I think the nursery staff was snowed in as well.

But God met us as He always does. People wept at the altar at the end of service and His presence was sweet with healing. He is the point and I am learning He is not only the point…He is the only point! We are but vessels for Him to ride upon the wind, ships in which he sails upon the flood and oh what a privilege that is.

What points of your life are being swallowed up by Jesus today?

These last three days have been wonderful times of prayer and study. Thank you to those who prayed for me.  I had a four-hour drive up the Maine coast on Wednesday night after Bible study and a four-hour journey back down the Maine coast today. In between those two drives I was helping my brother-in-law who is recovering from surgery. In between changing dressings. making meals. walking the dog and doing dishes I prayed and read some more.

I took  five meditational questions with me given by Cyndi from  http://cyndilumoon.wordpress.com/2013/02/19/survey-says/.  Here is the first of them that I worked on.

1.What has God given you?

This is a question pre-loaded with a very large answer. I could go on and on about what God has done, but tonight I am just going to list seven things God has given me recently:

1. God has given me an inner healing that was keeping me from moving forward.

2. God has provided for a trip to Holland.

3. God has given me an invitation to go to Seattle.

4. God has answered a prayer for my daughter Amanda in giving her a God-sized dream.

5. God has been leading my daughter Melanie and my son Joe in their next steps after college

6. I had been praying that God would lead me in the best way for my life in an area of great uncertainty and He has given me a clear direction and joy in the journey.

7. God has given me direction for the next steps in ministry.

As I said I could go on and on but I won’t I am just filled with thankfulness to a God who has been nothing but good to me! The more I list His doings the more thankful I become.

What has God given you ?

“Sometimes I go to God and say, “God, if Thou dost never answer another prayer while I live on this earth, I will still worship Thee as long as I live and in the ages to come for what Thou hast done already. God’s already put me so far in debt that if I were to live one million millenniums I couldn’t pay Him for what He’s done for me.” 
―    A.W. Tozer

Today’s leg of the Lenten journey leads us through a meditation on worship. The questions I am pondering today are:

On a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being I am just at the beginning and 5 being I am well-developed in this)

How am I doing with joining myself to a body for corporate worship renewal and refreshing?

Where am I in my personal plan to achieve my God-given goals and dreams?

How is my heart  growing in love for praise and worship to God?

How well am I honoring God with my physical and personal health?

How am I honoring God through a balanced  life?

How can I better live for God’s pleasure?

I am interested in hearing what God has said to you today.

Psalm 2

¹ Why are the nations so angry?
Why do they waste their time with futile plans?
² The kings of the earth prepare for battle;
the rulers plot together
against the Lord
and against his anointed one.
³ “Let us break their chains,” they cry,
“and free ourselves from slavery to God.”

⁴ But the one who rules in heaven laughs.
The Lord scoffs at them.
⁵ Then in anger he rebukes them,
terrifying them with his fierce fury.
⁶ For the Lord declares, “I have placed my chosen king on the throne
in Jerusalem,^[a] on my holy mountain.”

⁷ The king proclaims the Lord’s decree:
“The Lord said to me, ‘You are my son.^[b]
Today I have become your Father.^[c]
8 Only ask, and I will give you the nations as your inheritance,
the whole earth as your possession.
⁹ You will break^[d] them with an iron rod
and smash them like clay pots.’”

¹⁰ Now then, you kings, act wisely!
Be warned, you rulers of the earth!
¹¹ Serve the Lord with reverent fear,
and rejoice with trembling.
¹² Submit to God’s royal son,^[e] or he will become angry,
and you will be destroyed in the midst of all your activities—
for his anger flares up in an instant.
But what joy for all who take refuge in him!

Tonight we continue our study in Psalm chapter 2. Yesterday we spoke about some of the different words we saw in the three versions of this Psalm. The Psalm starts with two questions:

¹ Why are the nations so angry?
Why do they waste their time with futile plans?

The word “nations” is translated “Heathen” by the King James. The Hebrew word for “nations” or “heathen” is actually the word “Gowy” or Gentiles. So the Psalm is starting out drawing a line between the Gentile nations and the Jewish people.

In what ways do the Gentiles conspire?  What do you think the futile plans are that the nations are wasting their time with? 

The Word of God is a bridge that connects Earth with Heaven and Heaven with Earth.- Joseph Elon Lillie

The meditation questions for today involve growth as Christ’s disciple:

On a scale of 1 to 5 (1 indicating I am just beginning and 5 indicating I am well-developed):

How am I growing in relationship with God through regular times of personal Bible study and prayer?

How do I respond challenges with peace and faith rather than anxiety and fear?

How well do I avoid addictive behaviors to meet my needs?

Do I have a growing relationship with someone who encourages my spiritual health and personal growth…a spiritual partner?

Am I honoring God with my finances the way I budget and in my personal giving to His work through tithing?

How can I grow this year to become more like Christ?

Food has been an addiction to which I have turned all my life. During the 21 day spiritual journey in January God gave me a vision for losing forty pounds. But I am coming to see that the goal is a measuring stick for a much deeper spiritual work God wishes to do inside me. These journeys into the world of fasting are about gaining control of my appetites and addictions so that Christ may have the preeminence.

Which of these questions spoke most to you?

This Lenten traveller has been on “the road” for nearly a week. God has taken me places I didn’t want to go and yet the journey has begun to yield some wonderful fruit. I discovered a hardness of heart in myself springing from three roots which troubled my forward advance. I realize discovery is but the first step to healing these things but they are exposed now and the Holy Spirit is beginning His work upon them.

Have you ever been afraid of a road God told you to walk down? What did you do?

Yesterday in service our lead pastor preached a message concerning “spiritual health assessment”. He gave us five questions to meditate through over this next week  regarding our spiritual health.With each question he offered 6 sub-points to ponder on each day.

Today’s meditation concerns our connection with other people and with God:

On a scale of one to five ( 1 being just at the beginning of the journey and five being well-developed in the area)…

How am I at  developing authentic community within my church family?

How am I doing in the area of loving others? Giving grace to others? Forgiving others? (I guess that’s three in one but OK) Read I Corinthians 13 before answering this one.

How am I at intentionally cultivating my relationships with Christian friends? Spiritual mentors?

How am I doing with connecting with my immediate family relationships?

How am I doing at resolving conflict with others in a biblical manner?

How can I deepen my relationships with others? 

It was question number 6 that hit me square between the eyes. Just before service yesterday God revealed I had believed a lie that was keeping me out of balance in my relationships. Somewhere in my life I came to believe that I had to choose between family relationships and church relationships. If I was going to have one then I would have to neglect the other. God showed me yesterday that if I am to be healthy it must not be either… or but both… and.

Over the course of family life and ministry I have failed to establish and enforce proper boundaries. I have given other people the right to declare my boundaries  because I was afraid of rocking the boat. I was afraid of losing face. I was afraid of losing relationship. I am realizing that by allowing other people to set the boundaries for me I have given away the power to balance my relationships. I wonder what fixing this is going to entail.

Which question above most speaks to you?