The Romans 12 Cycle: Teacher

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In the lavender

By the lake I write the

Stories. Very few will ever read. Too busy

With the summer sun to learn.

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Autumn annotates

The footnotes of falling leaves.

The mountains are my 

Tablet. I write with the ink

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I sip hot coffee

By the fire, a book in hand.

I thread the needle

With my  tinder thoughts in the

Winter land’s cold hard facts.

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Speak forth the gentle

Green of reason threaded through

The broken mirrors.

Pieces make sense reflected in

Reality’s tapestry.

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I am not the year

Nor a season, month or day.

I am but minutes

Unmasking the threads

To the finished work, God’s hand

 

 

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The Romans 12 Cycle: Servant

I stir lemonade,

Sigh and wipe my weary brow.

I wax thankful then

As summer solicits for

The seasons’ warrant.

Rake the leaves. I’ll burn

This body to dust, if that

Is what it takes. I’ll

Do it gladly. My heart is

Woven in the mountain skies.

I am winter’s snow.

You will find me in the work.

No matter how dark it

Gets, I will be the finger

Which pulls the thread no one sees.

In Secret Spring’s green

I snip the weak threads. I break

The mirror. I sweep 

The pieces into place. Glimpse

Reality’s tapestry.

I am not the year

Nor a season, month or day.

I am but minutes

Who work the threads leading

To the finished work, God’s hand.

The Romans 12 Cycle: Prophet

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A hot summer day,

Once again I read someone

Else’s mail. Sipping

Lemonade as I crochet

Edges of reality.

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The leaves fall. As I

Count the dry bones, I breathe forth

The silence of death

Woven from mountains and skies

Which hem in the Beloved.

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My breath twines with snow

Yet to come. They rebuke me

For seeing the dark,

But what choice was I given?

The winter is my needle.

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Spring’s my thread of green.

New like the shards of broken

Mirrors. Pieces placed

Like manifold wisdom, glimpse

Reality’s tapestry

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I am not the year

Nor a season, month or day.

I am but minutes

Who count the threads leading

To the finished work, God’s hand.

NaNoWriMo 2019: I Don’t Believe In Fate Except In…

I am sitting here in my new home office (which is the same as my old home office just with less junk). I have been poring over story details and thinking about my writing process this afternoon.  For those of you who are theologians I am a Wesleyan Armenian not a Calvinist which in layman’s terms just means, if I am asked to choose between the idea of fate and free will I am going to lean towards free will every time. I am not a big believer in the idea that you cannot escape your fate. I am a big believer in the idea that you get to play a part in your destiny.

That said when it comes to the writing process, as I put pen to paper it feels more like I am just uncovering a story that is already written, not creating something new. The story is new to me, but I feel like it has been floating around  in the spirit realm somewhere just waiting for someone to stumble upon it and give it form. I almost feel fated to write this thing….and so you see my problem.

Does anyone else feel this way as they put their own pens to their own pieces of paper? I anxiously await your input.

NaNoWriMo 2019 & The Writing On the Wall

My mentor wrote to me after my last blog post and commented that it sounded from my recent writings like I was discovering writing as a spiritual practice. I think that is an accurate assessment of how things are changing in me.

My initial philosophy of writing was, “writing is a vehicle by which you communicate to others what you think.”

When I started blogging I realized that was a fairly self-centered way of writing. Blogging taught me about the nature of writing and reading in the midst of a community, and how important it was not just to say what I thought, but to listen to the voices of others as I mixed my voice into the community. This second philosophy of writing was, “writing is a vehicle by which you participate in community.”

That second stage philosophy has turned out just to be an oasis to stop at in a much longer journey. I have come to the place where writing is a method by which I begin to wonder what God is doing in the deeper space between the words. It is becoming an exercise by which I  am trying to contextualize  motives and mysteries…the heart of the world, my own heart and in the deepest iteration of the work ,the very heart of God. “Writing is a spiritual practice in which you discover God.”

Our church has recently developed a manifesto. We have published it on place cards for every member of the church to have at home, and we have created giant pieces of art to hang on our walls so that people can read our purpose as they walk around the church. I call it “The writing on the wall.”

I have come to understand that “The writing on the wall” is God’s specific marching orders for us as a church. As I am part of the church these marching orders apply to me. It is necessary that I discover what my position in the church is so that I may understand what part I will have in carrying out these marching orders. Writing  this novel now is contextualizing what my role will be in the future as a member of this church, as a soldier in God’s army and as a citizen of that heavenly domain to which we all hope to attain. It is so much bigger than the novel, and it is the novel all at the same time.

Sounds like a spiritual practice to me and man it is more than I bargained for.

 

NaNoWriMo 2019 & My “Oh! So Tired”

I planned well for this year’s NaNoWriMo. I created a detailed list of goals to tackle. I began months ago working on building my writing and reading  stamina so that I could handle three hours a day of reading and writing. I even thoughtfully restructured my schedule between work and home so that I would be able to manage the  new writing regimen.

What I did not plan on was the level of weariness I was going to come into this season carrying. I am tired not so much physically but emotionally. While I now have the working space to plan in a longer nap every day, I am realizing that this is not just about getting the physical rest my body craves. There is a work to do in the midst of all the writing and reading.That work has to do with facing some emotional issues and coming to terms with them. I have to let some things go to gain peace. I have to change my expectations regarding certain things to come, and I have to allow some people to walk away as I realize I cannot fill their expectations of our relationship. I have to give up what I cannot control and embrace what I can control. Honestly, the list of things I can control is turning out to be rather small.

I think part of NaNoWriMo this year may be about far more than just writing the next great American novel. I think it is about something far closer to home. I am beginning to feel like God planned all this in advance so that I would be able to come to terms with  the monumental changes which have taken place in my life over the last 2 years. Strangely, until the beginning of this month I was not even really aware that I was having a struggle with these changes. Fancy that.

 

NaNoWriMo 2019 Go Us!

I am still plowing my way through NaNoWriMo 2019. I am still engaging in the work. Go me!

 

Today in the midst of my daily reading about writing and in the midst of rereading my manuscript I am meditating on the importance of my voice in the community…the conversation I bring to the table. I have worked through the manuscript of Pork Chops With the Sentinels Of Azatan one more time. Taking notes as I go and thinking about the connection of scenes within the book and the progression of characters throughout the story, I find myself asking:

“Will this story create conversations of value?”

“Will this book make people think?”

“Will it cause people to disagree?”

“Will it cause anyone to change?”

My sister is in her last performance tonight of the play “Seven”. I saw the piece last night. It was good. I disagreed with many things in the play. It made me angry for the plight of women around the globe. It made me want to have a conversation about….well, …something bigger than me.

That is what I want from my book. I want to engage as well as entertain. I want to start a conversation that will go farther than….well,… me.

We are still plowing our way through NaNoWriMo 2019. By reading this you are still engaging in the work. Go us!

Deliverance & the NaNoWriMo 2019

Deliverance- The act of being set free
NaNoWriMo 2019 is a part of my plan to finish the year strong and to launch into a new success in 2020, to whit I need to use this month a little differently than it was originally intended by its creators.
The goal of 5,000 words a day is not the point of this work for me. I have lots and lots of words written on literally thousands of pages of manuscript. I do not need to make more words. I need to make sense of the words I have written and figure out how to use them in communicating to an audience which I believe God is in the process of creating.
One of the items on my to do list is to work through the philosophy of Pork Chops With the Sentinels of Azatan and to understand how that plays into the greater message of the story I am telling.
Yesterday I said my mentor challenged me to learn to love all of my characters, to give them grace. As I come to understand how the characters in my book think about life’s topics I believe it will help me to know and to love them.
Last night I began dealing with the topic of deliverance which comes up in the book. What is deliverance? How does it work? Even more important, what keeps people from experiencing deliverance in their personal lives?
As I was contemplating this on a writer’s walk last night I was reminded of a story from the Gospels about two women named Mary and Martha

Mary and Martha

38-40 As they continued their travel, Jesus entered a village. A woman by the name of Martha welcomed him and made him feel quite at home. She had a sister, Mary, who sat before the Master, hanging on every word he said. But Martha was pulled away by all she had to do in the kitchen. Later, she stepped in, interrupting them. “Master, don’t you care that my sister has abandoned the kitchen to me? Tell her to lend me a hand.”

41-42 The Master said, “Martha, dear Martha, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it—it’s the main course, and won’t be taken from her.” Luke 10:38-42

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A lot has been written about Jesus and these two women, their differing reactions to having Jesus in their home and Jesus estimation of which reaction was the best. The story is pretty plain in its explanation. Some like to make it a tale about prayer. Others like to use it to focus on the import of the spiritual over the carnal. I think it is a story about deliverance and a story about focus.
I think Mary was set free and I think Martha was chained up. Mary was delivered and Martha was held captive. I don’t think it had anything to do with the fact that Mary sat down with Jesus while Martha did the dishes. I think it was about focus. Mary focused on Jesus and made his visit her purpose. He was the important thing that night and she focused on what was important. Martha focused on cleaning the house. Jesus was Mary’s focus and the house was Martha’s focus.
Now this isn’t a dissertation on whether or not we should clean our houses. It is a chat about why we do the things we do. If Martha had been cleaning the house in order to show her love for Jesus then maybe she would have been content and set free as much as Mary was. Maybe the story would have ended with Jesus and Martha sharing a cup of tea in the kitchen after everyone else had been dismissed. Maybe the story would have ended in a moment where Jesus praised Martha for her diligence instead of rebuking her for her insecurity.
I don’t think Martha’s problem was a work problem. I think it was a focus problem. Something in her life made her dirty supper dishes more important than Jesus. Something in Mary’s life made her willing to do whatever she had to do to focus on Jesus rather than the housework, not because housework was unimportant but because Jesus was more important.
This plain little story gives me fodder for NaNoWriMo 2019 and my contemplation about the philosophy of deliverance in my characters. What or who causes a person to be delivered or not delivered from anything? Is it really as simple as where we put our focus? Who we focus on? If so what keeps us from simply shifting our focus? I see in my characters the truth that the only thing holding them back is their own thought processes. It is what they choose to focus on that keeps them distracted from what the Message Bible calls “the main course.”
I find that very sad indeed!

NaNoWriMo 2019 Post 4 on Day 5

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I have three core values which God has been trying to massage into my life over the last 20 years or so. Those values involve becoming SLOW, CONSTANT, AND INTENTIONAL.

This morning in prayer I was reminded of these values and I had opportunity to take stock of where I stand in my personal growth track concerning them. Over all, I am much improved  from where I was even a year ago. That said I still let people, felt expectations and life circumstances  rush me right past my goals. Of the three values I struggle with “slowing down” the most.

My mentor told me that one of the things I was going to have to do to complete my novel was to learn to love all of my characters (even the villains). She told me I was going to need to sit with each one until I had learned how to see them each as real people and figure out how to give them the grace which real people may not deserve but desperately need.

Here is the problem. I cannot do that fast and I seem to have become addicted to instantaneous living. I like my coffee that brews in less than 30 seconds. I love my microwave that cooks my food in under 3 minutes. I like my meetings that last less than an hour and I love to pack my day with as many quick things as I can possibly push into it. So one of the things I need to practice during this NaNoWriMo is slowing down where it concerns my writing. Once again this seems almost counter-intuitive when it comes to the purpose of the month, but I think that it is one of the things I have to use this month for if I am to be a success.

SLOW AND STEADY WILL WIN THIS RACE!

How do you slow yourself down in a racing world?

NaNoWriMo 2019 Day 3 on Day 4

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So far so good! It is day 4 and I am posting about my writing journey this month for the third time! I feel pretty good about that record and my first goal of going beyond November 4th has now been achieved! That of course is a little tongue in cheek, but honestly, I feel like this year is going to be different where NaNoWriMo is concerned. I am actually heading towards the achievement of my writing goal which is to finish. Pork Chops With the Sentinels of Azatan. 

I feel confident because I have prepared for the journey and I have laid out a course to follow.

Preparation for NaNoWriMo started in September by rereading the manuscript for the book, which I had hidden away for almost two years. It continued with a second third and fourth reading. Each time I read it I notated: changes I needed to make, scenes I needed to delete and scenes I needed to add. Then I compiled a list of all those things and I created a writing schedule for myself which includes a monthly writing sabbatical which is to be three days long. That work led me to a restructuring of my daily schedule to give myself even more time to write. I bathed the whole thing in lots of prayer and now….. LAUNCH!!!!