The Daily Post has asked, “If your furniture, appliances, and other inanimate objects at home had feelings and emotions, to which item would you owe the biggest apology?”
See who else has been offended at
Now on to my written apology:
Dear Mr. Floor,
I wish to apologize for my behavior over these last several months. Please know what was done was not done with premeditation or malice of forethought in any way shape or form.
Really I didn’t know that dog urine stripped varnish and he really is just a puppy and the other two were just following suit. And to be fair I did thoroughly clean up the mess using lots of that pet spray. What’s that you say? Oh that strips varnish too? Who knew?
Please know that I had only your best interests at heart when I sealed the hole the squirrels had gnawed through the shingling. I certainly didn’t want them chewing through your fine wooden outfits anywhere else in the house. I did try to make sure they were all out before I sealed the hole. How was I to know Mrs. Squirrel was stuck inside? I am sure you won’t smell like this forever, and really everyone blames me anyway. You are in the clear on this one even if you do stink.
As to the carpets I know they are old and perhaps I do not vacuum them enough but did you really have to cause my vacuum cleaner to burst into flames on Thanksgiving weekend?
I hope this letter will go the distance of restoring peace between us Mr. Floor. Let’s just say I won’t be putting together the new vacuum I bought until I have a satisfactory reply from you.
P.S. I know it has been my habit to walk all over you. In the future this will probably not change. I hope that does not offend too much.