I planned well for this year’s NaNoWriMo. I created a detailed list of goals to tackle. I began months ago working on building my writing and reading  stamina so that I could handle three hours a day of reading and writing. I even thoughtfully restructured my schedule between work and home so that I would be able to manage the  new writing regimen.

What I did not plan on was the level of weariness I was going to come into this season carrying. I am tired not so much physically but emotionally. While I now have the working space to plan in a longer nap every day, I am realizing that this is not just about getting the physical rest my body craves. There is a work to do in the midst of all the writing and reading.That work has to do with facing some emotional issues and coming to terms with them. I have to let some things go to gain peace. I have to change my expectations regarding certain things to come, and I have to allow some people to walk away as I realize I cannot fill their expectations of our relationship. I have to give up what I cannot control and embrace what I can control. Honestly, the list of things I can control is turning out to be rather small.

I think part of NaNoWriMo this year may be about far more than just writing the next great American novel. I think it is about something far closer to home. I am beginning to feel like God planned all this in advance so that I would be able to come to terms with  the monumental changes which have taken place in my life over the last 2 years. Strangely, until the beginning of this month I was not even really aware that I was having a struggle with these changes. Fancy that.